day 11:

(these posts are going to take 8 years to finish! taha!)

"Post a recipe. Or if you don’t cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!)."


the other day i made cookies for the kids with frosting, and they were pink. for valentine's day. that's the extent of my cooking lately. :)

day 10:

"What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)"

Jesus is teaching me a lot. or maybe it's just that i'm actually listening.

i think one of the greatest things He's teaching me is to stop underestimating, undermining, and devaluing myself. He's teaching me to believe i am who He says i am... not what the scale, the tag on the inside of my clothes, my past, or my mind tell me i am. i'm learning to believe that "i am made for more."

He's also teaching me that "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
ALL things. not just some. not just the ones i'm comfortable with or the ones i feel i can handle on my own. with Him, there is nothing i can't do.
those are hard words for me to swallow. they don't line up with what this world says. but they are the truth, and for that i rejoice!

God is restoring me piece by piece and the transformation is both emotionally and physically tangible. and He's been letting me know that He isn't going to stop until those good works He's started come to completion. :)

day 9:

"What virtues do you value in yourself?"

God is teaching me to value and to love myself in general. so i guess this is a good exercise, huh?



i value my sense of right and wrong, and how my heart seeks to resolve the gray area. sometimes it's a source of stress because we live in a world of many shades of gray, but i am grateful for that kind of discernment.

i value my intuition.

i value the way my heart swells and pours itself out around children.

i value the quiet part of me.

i value the leader in me, as well as the follower.

i value my purity.

i value my mothering nature.

day 8:

"Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!"

[sorry the numbered days don't mean much anymore, as i have not kept up with it. just pretend.]


my beauty secret? it's not really a secret but i do it every day and sometimes people ask me what the heck i'm doing.
i heat my eyelash curler with my blow dryer! not too hot, or you'll burn your eyelid, but enough to be effective. and it works great!



although... the more i look at this question, as well as the style pics kind of posts... those all have to do with external beauty, which isn't what God says true beauty is. so, i'll keep doing those posts. but perhaps i'll share an internal "beauty secret"?
hmmm.

i think it is beautiful for a woman to assume the best in people.

there. :)

day 7:

"Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman."


dear adrianne,

hi, friend. so i wish words could do justice in expressing all of this. they most likely won't, but since it's day 7 (and really like day 186 because i haven't kept up with this challenge), i'm gonna try anyway since this is the prompt and you are the beautiful woman i want to encourage.

i said this last night in the car, but i'll say it again... look at how much you've grown. seriously. the outward expression of your faith has stretched and grown so much in the last year that we've been friends in ways that simply astound me. A, you are bold, and determined, and willing to serve, and you feel for people so openly. and there are a thousand other beautiful things about you that could never all be named because a) there's too many to count, and b) i don't even know all of them yet, which is so exciting!

what's to come in the months ahead is exciting as well as sort of scary for both of us, simply because of not knowing. but i have no doubt that God is going to use you in the best of ways for His kingdom. the things you're going to face, both internally and externally, might be challenging... but you have a God whose power resides within you. the very power that raised Christ from the dead is ALIVE in you, working and active so that you can be fruitful, joyful, and at peace. cling to that power when you're overwhelmed by demands and frustrations and anger and confusion. (and remind me to do the same!! :) )

i am so thankful for you, and for the journey God has you on. and i'm thankful that we get to serve Him together in a ministry we're so passionate about!

i hope this encourages you at least a little. even if it doesn't, you still know that i love you, so i guess it's alright. :)

love,
ju

day 6:

well guess who fell off the blogging bandwagon? we're going to pretend that it's still day 6. no, in fact, days don't even matter anymore. we're gonna roll with it.

"Jaded beauty. Has the world’s definition of beauty ever jaded you?"


overweight, fat, big, unworthy, unclean, big, obtrusive, crazy, unattractive, plain, big.
these are words, among others, that i have associated with myself at one point or another throughout my life. this is the way i saw myself, because i viewed myself through a worldly lens. not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not quirky enough, not small enough. taking up too much room and swallowing space.

beloved, redeemed, purified, clean, sought after, known, woven & spun.
these are the ways in which the Lord, my Creator, sees me, His creation.

i need to keep whispering these reminders to myself each day.

day 5:

"Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive."

this took me a few moments to figure out. but when i did, it was like a big huge "duh!".


when depression had its strongest grip in my life, there were very few things that could ignite passion inside of me. but haiti was one of those things. the pull i felt toward getting back to them was greater than the pull i felt to just stay in bed all day. and now, the pull i feel to return, to see their faces and hold them close to me... well, that's more than a pull. it's God, knotting one end of a thread around my heart, and tying the other end around theirs. He's creating a bond beyond my capacity as a human to form myself.
i'm so thankful i get to know them, and that i get to love them and be their sister in Christ.

day 4:

"Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit."

my apologies to whoever may be reading this for not posting day 4 on it's appropriate day. i could make up some excuse about the inclement weather, but the night before a snow day only leaves more time for being at my computer, so... yep. mostly i was just too lazy (and still am) to go put on my favorite outfit, take a picture, take it back off and slide back into my pajamas. so instead, i found pictures of two of my favorite articles of clothing. please don't judge when you see that they are nothing interesting.

the first is my pair of navy yoga pants. i have way too many pairs of yoga pants, but these are my favorite. and although these are the exact type i have, mine are set apart by the tiny little hole that oscar (my cat) so lovingly created in the left pant leg when he crawled onto my lap to take a nap. ugh. ask adrianne - i was MAD. but i suppose it adds a little character to my dull yoga pants.

the second article of clothing, which completes my outfit but which i don't usually wear WITH my navy yoga pants because they clash, is my black tank top. or my black tee. either one will do. i love them both because a) they make me feel skinny, and b) they camouflage the black cat hair that inevitably finds itself on all articles of my clothing.

why, might you ask, do i actually enjoy wearing these? well, friends... these things are comfy, and they are practical, and they are easily washed after i'm up to my elbows in dishes, snot, drool, and unknown substances whilst fulfilling my nanny duties. plus, i think God wants me to be comfortable, right?

perhaps on a different day i will share what i look like when i actually try.
:)

day 3:

"who is someone you know that inspires beauty?"


this may be a typical answer... but my mom - hands down - inspires beauty.

i think all little girls find beauty in their mothers. when i was little, i'd watch my mom from below her chin, studying her jaw and the way her mouth formed words. and i remember thinking she smelled more lovely than anyone else in the world. for a few years in a row she made us matching christmas dresses, complete with matching shoes, and i felt like the coolest, most sophisticated girl ever.

if i were to say that my faith was a flame ignited by the Lord very early in my childhood, my mother was the one who kindled it, kept it fed. she taught me how to pray, and answered my questions the best she could. she was patient, and kind, and gentle. she pushed me to do the right thing, and listened to me blubber and sob when i didn't. (in fact, she still does that... she did just yesterday :) )

i feel proud when i look in the mirror and find traces of her in my face. and even though i roll my eyes when words come out of my mouth that i swear by all things are not my own, but are actually my mom's, i revel in the fact that i truly am my mother's daughter.

but my mom isn't defined just by who she is to me. she is one of the most driven, hard working, compassionate people i know. take her work, for example. she has an extremely demanding job, but she loves it because she's helping kids. and my mom is humble. she started something called a "math lab" after school, as well as a reading program. she headed all of this up and it's been extremely successful. and i had no idea! instead of coming home and telling me about all of the great and incredible things she's doing for her kids, she tells me about how well one of her students is doing or about how she's stressed because she wants so badly to help one of the kids with their home life.

she is a wife and a mom and a sister and a daughter and my cat's favorite headrest and a student and a teacher and a leader and a nature-lover and she's intuitive and positive and supportive and real and she is a child of the one true God.

my mom is beautiful.

day 2:

"what makes you uniquely you?"


okay, so one of my all-time most favorite passages ever is psalm 139. the first time i heard it, i remember wondering if i had heard it correctly. it gripped my heart in a way nothing else in the Scriptures had at that point in my life.

He knows everything about us. i cannot even comprehend the weight of that thought. Jesus knows every ache of your heart, every hair on your head, every inclination you have to smile, and every snide remark that rolls off your tongue. He knows it all, and He calls you by name. even before one of your days came to be, they were written in His book.

before i was even a figment of my mother's imagination, He knew what my laugh would sound like and that i would love eating cheese. God knew all of this - KNOWS all of this - because He created me and knit me together in my mother's womb.

i am more than atoms of matter and energy colliding in some scientific process i don't understand. i am a child of God. i was created by the Creator of all things on Heaven and on earth. and He created me with an individual set of gifts and abilities and weaknesses and strengths that not one other person has on this earth.


this concept is such a comfort today. on a day when i feel disconnect from the Father, He reminds me that i am still in His arms, forever and always. kimberly just wrote a blog about Isaiah 49:15-16, and i am so thankful that she reminded her readers of God's unfailing and ever-present love, and that my name is engraved on His hands. like a seal upon His heart. He is constantly thinking of me and planning the best for my life. sometimes that's so difficult to remember down here when our own plans and dreams and desires and fears cloud our vision.


this is how i know i am unique:
God knows me by name. i am His child, His beloved, His creation.

day 1:

"what does beauty mean to you?"


beauty.

i remember learning about it in aesthetics. it was the spring of my freshman year of college at grand valley. i'm pretty sure i only attended 3 or 4 of the class sessions before i simply stopped going. my brain and my heart were too far within the pit of depression to be able to grasp anything beyond getting out of bed and making sure i ate 3 meals, so a demanding philosophy course no longer felt like a priority.

but i do remember talking about beauty. i remember listening to my classmates discuss how beauty isn't an absolute. and i agreed, to some extent. each person is drawn to something different. for example, i like the color yellow, and the feeling i get when i crawl under my covers with no socks on. that's a simple type of beauty. but someone else may not think those things are beautiful at all (like my grandma, who detests the color yellow). it all seems subjective.

now i'm no philosophy or theology major, so i won't try to argue or explain whether or not beauty truly is subjective. but in that class, and during that point in my life, i think i was forgetting (or perhaps even avoiding) the missing link that binds all things together, where the subjectivity of human beings doesn't give beauty an infinite amount of definitions.

i was ignoring God. you see, i chose to turn my back on Him that year. i literally said to myself, "it's time to take a step back. i need to learn what it's like to mess up." i spiraled deep into a depression that challenged my beliefs, my physical health, and even my sense of existence. i remember searching for beauty in my days and writing my findings down in my journal at night. i was entirely thirsty for the Creator, the Crafter of all created things from which i'd pull beauty. and i wouldn't admit it to myself. now, i will say that i am quick to explain that my years of depression stemmed from a chemical imbalance in my brain and that it began when i was a lot younger. but turning my back on the Lord was the catalyst that plunged me into darkness. i turned away from the ultimate source, the Giver of life, of beauty.

but ah, how beautiful (!) is it that God gives us the ability to have preferences, taste, and pleasure in the world around us? He allows US to determine which parts of His creations we find beautiful. in fact, He delights in our joy.

so, after i've just explained my entire history of understanding what beauty is (phew!)... what do i find beautiful? here's a list, but in no way could i say everything...


humble hearts.
quiet kindness.
what it feels like to try on a dress you never thought you'd be able to fit in, and you can. especially sequined ones.
being a living testimony.
my name said by a child. especially when they can't pronounce it correctly.
the plans God has woven that take my breath away.
haiti.
kids climbing on me.
my childhood.
unspoken parts of conversations.
crying.
the human mind.
"everyone knows the beat of a drum."
worship.
language.
being pulled from the pit and set upon a solid rock.
grace.
baptism.
the power of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus Christ, our Savior.

proverbs 31 challenge.

so, who's up for a challenge?!

a good friend, brittany miller, asked me if i'd like to do a daily response challenge that goes along with proverbs 31. if you aren't familiar with proverbs 31, it's a passage that describes the characteristics of a woman in the Lord. each day, for 31 days, there is a prompt to get you writing. the list is as follows:

Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world’s definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don’t cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about “a day in the life of me.” (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!


now, some of these i feel are a little more personal than what i'd like to share on a blog. for example, the letter i'd write to my future husband isn't necessarily something that needs to be shared with others. but the entire journey as a whole inspires me, so i'm excited embark upon it! and since i don't have another public blog, i will do it on here.

if you would like to participate, i greatly encourage you to! perhaps you can leave your responses as comments on here, or post them in your own blog. either way, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a bunch of women learn more about themselves and who they are as women in love with Jesus?

let me know if you plan on doing this as well! i'd love to read your responses if you are posting them somewhere! :)

thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts.

hello, readers!

adrianne has already done a fantastic job of welcoming to you to our very own blog, but let me also take this time (space?) to greet you as well.
whoever you may be... whether you're a friend of ours, or a friend of CIO, or my mommy who will be anxiously awaiting posts on here once we're in haiti, i hope that this blog blesses you in some way. we're excited to share our experiences and thoughts!

to start off, i am amazed.
friends, let me just give thanks: our God, the very same God who spoke this earth into its existence, is so intensely in love with His children that He uses us - US! - to fulfill His plans. such intricate plans that we could never orchestrate or foresee on our own.
isn't that insane?

and i'm amazed that i have the opportunity to spend next summer with 28 incredible kids, learning from a family that lets Jesus shine fiercely into their community, and working hand-in-hand & heart-to-heart with adrianne, helping to carry out a plan and vision that started a long time ago.

my friendship with adrianne is yet another source of amazement. sometimes it seems like it literally fell out of the sky. seriously. if i believed Jesus were a God who sits up on the clouds with His feet dangling over the edge looking down on all of His people (which i most certainly don't, but roll with me here), i'd picture Him saying "hey, Dad, watch this... adrianne & julie are about to have the time of their lives and they have no idea it's coming!" and then a ball of Spirit-filled goodness would fly toward us at warped speed and hit us at the very moment when we met up at starbucks.

but, if you didn't figure it out, that's not actually what happened. if i'm being honest, there aren't really words for the way our friendship formed, except for that it was completely and entirely the Holy Spirit. and He's still working.

aside from the fact that we somehow create THE best music videos facebook has seen, one thing that continually astounds me is the way that we balance each other out.
where i lack, adrianne thrives. where she struggles, i do well.

this past sunday, adrianne held her first haiti mission team meeting. this means that she's planning a team's entire trip, including flights, food, lodging, work, outings, etc. she did a fantastic job. i stopped in to listen as she spoke about plane ticket prices and dates and answered questions with such ease, and i thought to myself "holy cow, that is NOT my calling in life." stick me in a room with ten 2-year-olds and i'm your girl. put me in charge of 15 other people in an airport? no thanks.
sometimes we laugh that we are like mary & martha. but it really goes beyond a good laugh. it's such a beautiful gift.

so, here we are, months away, but surely they will fly by. and soon enough i will be standing on haitian soil with the sun on my face and the sounds of the girls giggling and playing jump-rope. and i'll try and hold 4 more hands than my 2 can grasp and walk the length of the property and.. i can't wait.



friends, if you could, i ask that you'd please pray for us about the months to come with planning and fundraising, and for our time actually spent in haiti this summer. please pray for our communication as partners in ministry and as best friends, and for our families as they wrestle with their own emotions about our time there. for us to be instruments for the Lord and used to shine His light, and for fears to cease about how this will be done, for He knows! for the isidors as they prepare for and host various teams, and for the kids, that God would work in their hearts and their minds to be a light in the darkness and that He would provide them with His peace.
thank you!



peace,
j